Instagram Live: What's Inside The Nice List?
Watch my Instagram Live about what’s inside The Nice List and how to use it.
A few weeks ago I did a live session on Instagram talking about The Nice List. You might have missed it, so here it is!
What is The Nice List? It is my Christmas organizer, planner, and journal with tools to help you give the best gifts, stay on budget, and enjoy your Christmas season. And it is available for order until September 15! Check it out!
Order Now!
Give Your Friends a Merry Christmas!
Just a few days left to order the 2019 edition of The Nice List!
Who are your best friends? Do you have a group of mom friends or college friends or church friends whom you adore? I have a group of friends from college who are my dearests. And I have a group from our time in Sacramento whom I miss terribly. I am working to grow a group here, but it is hard to be new... it will come. It just takes time!
You treasure your friends, I am sure!! So I have a suggestion: buy a group pack of The Nice List, set a date in early November, and have a Christmas planning party! Pull those people you love together and with a bottle of wine or a good pot of coffee, get a great start to the holiday season together! It could even be your gift to them — or to each other!
And if you buy at least 5 copies of The Nice List, I will do a FaceTime call with you at your Christmas planning party!! I will talk you through how to use The Nice List and answer questions, too!
I will have lots of tips and tricks for using The Nice List for everyone including an online get together where we can all start planning together in November. I’ll walk you through the budgeting worksheets and there will be bunches of amazing gift ideas on my Christmas Giving Guide, too — gifts for every budget!
The Nice List is only available for order until Sunday, though! So be sure to place your order soon! Questions? Let me know! And if you want to learn more about The Nice List, check out this link:
XOXO
Angela
Ps: 106 days until Christmas. 5 days left to order The Nice List. 😘
Confronting my Inner Sexist at the Toy Store
Travel blogger, Rachel Heller, stops by with some reflections on sexism in children’s toys — and her own unconscious bias when buying toys.
Rachel Heller of Rachel’s Ruminations.
Today’s guest post is from Rachel of Rachel’s Ruminations, an independent travel blog based in the Netherlands. I’m delighted to have her perspective on giving gifts to children.
A few years ago, I was planning a visit to my relatives in Israel. This set of cousins included a total of 11 children at that point. I had only actually ever met three of them, but I wanted to give all of them gifts.
So once I decided on the trip, I kept my eyes open for small, inexpensive gifts that would be appropriate for 11 children, aged between 13 years and six months, whom I didn’t actually know.
The day before I was due to leave, I sat down to wrap the purchases I’d accumulated and was ashamed and horrified at what I saw:
My choices contradicted everything I believed about raising children without pre-conceived assumptions or expectations about gender.
For a boy, aged six, I had bought a self-winding flashlight.
For two girls, aged six and almost six, I had bought bracelets: pretty, glittery bracelets in two different colors.
For two boys, aged 11, I had bought harmonicas.
For a girl, aged 13, I had bought a pretty barrette.
For a girl, aged four, I had bought a flowery hair clip.
What was I thinking? Was I a sexist? Why hadn’t it occurred to me that a six-year-old girl would enjoy a self-winding flashlight just as much as a six-year-old boy?
Even the most progressive toy stores are still stuck with sexist packaging targeting children by gender at an early age.
What made me think that a 13-year-old girl would be happy with a barrette?
And what was it about me that I didn’t think about this at the time I made all these purchases?
As soon as I realized what I'd done, I jumped in the car and went back to the store, where I bought two more self-winding flashlights for the two girls. I bought a very small notebook and magnetic bookmarks for the 13-year-old girl, both of them "Gorjuss" merchandise aimed at teenage girls, decorated with rather gothic-themed drawings. (I was horrified to notice a whole section of Top Model merchandise, clearly aimed at even younger girls. Who would buy that for their kid?) I didn’t have much time at that point, so the four-year-old girl would have to settle for the barrette, plus a bracelet.
It occurred to me that I can blame this unthinking conformity to some extent on my own upbringing, and to some extent on my kids.
My upbringing
As a child, I got dolls and stuffed animals to play with. I wanted Hot Wheels cars more than anything, but “those are for boys”. Whenever I visited my only male friend’s house (We were friends because our mothers were friends.), all I ever wanted to do was play with his cars, and all he ever wanted to do was play Monopoly, which he always won.
Because I had no brothers, there were no “boy’s toys” lying around for me to play with. I ended up turning to books as soon as I learned how to read, and didn’t need much else after that.
Lego advertising from 1977 was gender-neutral and egalitarian.
Later, in the 70’s, my mother discovered feminism, and I read every issue of Ms Magazine from cover to cover. By then, though, my own socialization was pretty complete: I knew to keep my knees together when I sat, especially in a dress, and that wearing a dress meant I couldn't climb a tree. I knew that it was good to be smart, but being pretty got you attention. I knew I could choose any profession, but was aware of very few role models outside the norm.
While at that point my mother was telling me I could be whatever I wanted, she continued to fulfill the gender expectations of the stereotypical suburban housewife: she cooked, she cleaned, she did the shopping, and, on the side, to make some extra money, she worked as a realtor for a while and later as a dealer in antique porcelain. My father, on the other hand, was the family breadwinner. He left the house every weekday morning for work, and never did any cooking or cleaning. (I can remember the one time my father ever cooked during my childhood. He tried to follow a recipe for Welsh rarebit but had to ask me what a saucepan was.)
Most families I knew conformed to these standard gender roles. I didn't meet anyone who didn't conform – that I was aware of – until I went away to college.
My kids
Recognizing all of this, I resolved to do things differently with my own kids. My daughter, right from the start, had dolls and Legos and cars and action figures and blocks and books.
I also insisted on dressing her gender-neutrally: blue went beautifully with her big eyes, so my favorite for her was a blue shirt and OshKosh overalls so that she could move freely. I told her how smart and strong she was, but left the comments about how she looked to other people.
Baby dolls only come in pink on these shelves.
Nevertheless, her wardrobe included “girly” clothing because other people, including my mother, bought them for her. And as soon as she was old enough to express a preference, she did: she wanted pink and red. She wanted dresses, preferably with frills and lace. She most emphatically did not want to wear jeans, unless they were red or pink and preferably fringed with lace. Was this some inborn preference, or did she pick it up from her environment?
And as for toys, she almost never played with her toy cars. Instead, she lined them up very neatly along a crack in the floorboards. She did the same with our shoes. But she never rolled them anywhere: just lined them up and then moved on to another toy.
At three, she wanted a Barbie more than anything. All her friends had them, but I refused to get her one. To my great annoyance, she received one on her fourth birthday from one of those friends. She was thrilled. And I was furious at her friend’s mother, but too well-trained in politeness to let her know.
The only way she used her Legos was to build stables for her My Little Pony’s, which she loved.
When she was five, her little brother was born. Again I made sure to dress him gender-neutrally and to give him access to toys of all sorts. And again, it was all for nothing.
He loved the cars: to roll off tables or crash against the wall. Legos were great for making more cars or planes (preferably if a friend did the actual building of the machine and he could just play with it).
He showed no interest in dolls whatsoever. There was some interest in action figures, but only in terms of the violence they could inflict on each other. A toy weapon would have made him very happy, if I'd allowed it.
My son did have a period in which he declared that pink was his favorite color, and he would wear hand-me-down pink shirts from his sister. That only lasted until he went to preschool. One day one of his little friends declared that “pink is for girls” and that was it: he refused to wear pink again.
Today Lego’s Friends line is marketed toward girls and features strangely skinny figures — not their standard minifigs — with sets that conform to more feminine stereotypes.
Lego sets marketed toward boys include sets that promote violence, careers traditionally dominated by males, and weapons marking a documented escalation in violence in Lego toys.
Later, from about the age of nine until he was about fourteen, he chose to wear his hair long. People often mistakenly assumed he was a girl, but that never seemed to bother him. I loved that: his ability to ignore what anyone thought and be comfortable with himself, long hair and all. At the same time, though, he was completely gender-conforming in every other respect.
So as I was shopping for all these children, I was thinking of my own. My daughter, at six years old, would have loved those glittery bracelets. At 13, that barrette would have been perfect. My son would have loved a hand-cranked flashlight at six and a harmonica later on.
I can blame my unconscious gender conformity on what my parents and children have taught me, yet I’m the one who fell into this stereotypical pattern. I have called myself a feminist ever since those Ms Magazines back in the 70's, but I realize now that being a feminist isn’t something that is attained and lasts forever, like a college degree or an appendectomy scar; it has to be consciously maintained and rejuvenated, like tuning up a car or watering a plant.
Perhaps we all need a regular feminism tune-up, to make sure we haven't regressed into facile, complacent acceptance of the status quo: becoming unconscious sexists. My gift-shopping endeavor seems to have done the trick.
Thank you for your candor, Rachel! I know this is an important conversation in our family as well. Be sure to check out Rachel’s website: RachelsRuminations.com .
Budget-friendly gift suggestions for everyone on your list! Lists include:
My Favorite Gifts | Gifts Under $15 | Gifts for Mid Modern Lovers | Gifts for Children | Books to Give Gifts to Make | Wines to Give | Bubbles for the New Year
New Today: Gifts!
Today: two gifts — one to keep and one to give! I have instructions and printables for a darling Autumn Bunting project for your home as well as details on the best baby gift ever!
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about gifts and giving as I am preparing for The Nice List to arrive. Have I mentioned that I can’t wait!
Well, today I have two gifts — one for you to give, and one for you to keep!
To give…
Best Baby Gift Ever
My friends and family seem to be in a baby boom! So many babies have been born in the last month! So today I am sharing my favorite baby gift to give. It isn’t expensive, and it is the best baby advice new parents will get! I’m writing about Me Ra Koh’s amazing book Your Baby in Pictures! Check it out!
This is the best gift we received! Find out why and see some of the pics I took of Bambino.
To make & keep…
Autumn Bunting
This week I pulled out our fall decorations, and welcomed fall into our home. I made this sweet bunting for our fireplace, and I’ve written up instructions for you! You may have the materials needed already at home — paper lunch bags and two kinds of ribbon plus the free printables I’ve provided. It is really simple, and looks very cute on a fireplace, a doorway, or anywhere you need a little boost.
Instructions and printables to make this sweet autumn garland for hearth or door.
And as a bonus I have also included a free printable for this cute garland for your door — or a smaller spot that needs a little touch of hygge. You’ll find it on the Autumn Bunting page, too!
Happy Fall, y’all! Wishing you crispy apples, cool breezes, and crunchy leaves today!
XOXO
Angela
